Day 64

I showed my husband the two lists: a) almost all men like..., and b) almost all men dislike..., and DH chose the following 2 things from each list:

His two most important things, the two from the list that most increase his well-being are:

• to live in a nurturing environment, where people feel loved and accepted, and
• to enjoy a health physical relationship

I've got my work cut out for me here. To start, we are not the "typical" American family. I work while he stays at home. We homeschool as well. So I'm not home with SAHM hours for keeping the house orderly and clean...and messy is just not nurturing. Now, he can bust you-know-what when it comes to housework, but he goes in fits and starts. Hiring help is not an option. So, how can I help make this house more of a home? I'm going to re-vamp the chore list so more things get done on a regular basis, and tie it in to computer time for the "old man" and me, and Xbox time for the kids.

The physical relationship can also be a challenge. I know men are hard-wired to want more sex than women. I also know that due to some of my medications, my drive is well...out of gas a lot of time. I think one of the best things I can do in this respect, really, is to get the kids' days and nights back to normal. You see, we live in a two bedroom house with two adults, 3 kids and 3 pets. The only interior door is to the bathroom, and, well, sound carries, KWIM? Part of the problem is that 5 nights a week, I get home at about 11:30 pm, and the kids want to stay up to say howdy. Since we homeschool, it's not like we can't manage the schedules around that. And, darn it, I like to see my kids once in a while.

His two most important things, that detract from his well-being are:

• to feel disrespected, and
  
• putting up with mood swings

Now we've had our problems in our 12 years of marriage (our anniversary is this Saturday). DH deals with bi-polar disorder and I have clinical depression. I take meds. He does not. I need to help him get back on meds and to take my own religiously...sometimes I forget. One doctor suggested I have my thyroid checked out because apparently low thyroid function can trigger some depression by messing with brain chemicals. Anyone who thinks less of us because of these issues...well, that's just too bad. For me, having a 'mental illness' and treating it is no different than someone treating diabetes or cancer with meds. OK, I'll get off my soapbox now. :) Another thing I can do is to speak more about the good that he does than the things that bug me.

I have a fair amount of mood swings, especially if I've not had my anti-depressants for a couple of days or I'm PMS-ing (it's really head-for-the-hills time then). I need to put taking my meds into my morning routine and count-to-ten before I'm tempted to snap at anyone in the family.

If you stay tuned, I'll let you know how things turn out.

Day 3

I was walking through WalMart the other day, feeling particularly flush and took a stroll through the book department. There I saw the book "Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be" by Donna Partow.

I joined the Facebook group and am on Day 3 of the 90 day study. By this means I figure I have 88 days left, hence the blog title "Zero to 31 in 88" ... meaning from where I am, I am working towards being a Proverbs 31 woman and I have 88 days left in the Jumpstart program.

My notebook is set up and I have scheduled my TAG, which is an acronym meaning "time alone with God". I did not come up with this, though, but I don't know if it was Donna or someone else. Anyway, there it is.

I started this study because well, obviously something in my life is not working. Take into consideration the clinical depression, homeschooling, working outside the home at a residential facility for adults with MR/DD (mental retardation and developmental disabilities) as sole breadwinner for the family ... it's all wearing a bit thin. I can't do it on my own. I need God.

The second day's challenge was to commit to meeting with God first thing in the morning for 90 days. I don't know if it is because of my work schedule (3-11 pm, 5 rotating days a week), my ability to access the computer (I give DH first shot most of the time) and/or a lack of discipline, but my days and nights rarely start or end at the same time. So what is first thing in the morning one day, might not be first thing in the morning the next day. Please pray for me that I get this sorted out as I want TAG time to be a priority.

There are so many resources available in this study, that I cannot list them all at once, but I'm sure they will come out in the course of this blog. I imagine that the blog will continue even after the 88 days is up, as I intend this to become my blog about faith. I have another blog, called "Back Porchervations", which is my all-purpose blog about life in Kentucky.

One thing that was suggested was to come up with some goals. Here are mine in the various areas listed. I have attempted to make them "S.M.A.R.T." (specific, measurable, ...and I can't remember the rest of the acronym off the top of my head...maybe someone can fill in for me.

By May 31st, 2009, I will:

Faith - I will complete the Jumpstart program. My reward for completing this goal will be to purchase myself a leather-bound Bible with bigger print than the one I have now. (yeah, I'm that old). My DC will be to double my walking time for 90 days.

Family - (we will) be making family-friendly choices in media exposure. Our reward will be to go to a picnic in the Boone National Forest and visit Fort Boonesboro. My/our DC (dire consequence) is to wash the walls of the house inside and out in one day.

Friendship - I have phone #s for my shift co-workers and go out with friends once a week. My reward for accomplishing this goal is have a potluck cookout with my co-worker/friends and their families. My DC is to ground myself for 2 weeks.

Finance - stick to my budget. My reward for accomplishing this goal is to have a date with my husband (without the kids). My DC is to have no recreational media (for hubby & me - no computer, for the kids - no video games) for 2 weeks.

Fitness - do an aerobic workout (walking) 5 days a week for 30 minutes. My reward for accomplishing this goal is to buy a better pair of shoes to walk in. My DC is have DH take a picture of me in a swimsuit.

Fashion - I have a dress that I can go to church in. My reward for accomplishing this goal is to buy a pair of shoes to go with the dress. My DC is to bathe all the residents in my "home" at work for a week (that'd be 35 baths).