I showed my husband the two lists: a) almost all men like..., and b) almost all men dislike..., and DH chose the following 2 things from each list:
His two most important things, the two from the list that most increase his well-being are:
- to live in a nurturing environment, where people feel loved and accepted, and
- to enjoy a health physical relationship
I've got my work cut out for me here. To start, we are not the "typical" American family. I work while he stays at home. We homeschool as well. So I'm not home with SAHM hours for keeping the house orderly and clean...and messy is just not nurturing. Now, he can bust you-know-what when it comes to housework, but he goes in fits and starts. Hiring help is not an option. So, how can I help make this house more of a home? I'm going to re-vamp the chore list so more things get done on a regular basis, and tie it in to computer time for the "old man" and me, and Xbox time for the kids.
The physical relationship can also be a challenge. I know men are hard-wired to want more sex than women. I also know that due to some of my medications, my drive is well...out of gas a lot of time. I think one of the best things I can do in this respect, really, is to get the kids' days and nights back to normal. You see, we live in a two bedroom house with two adults, 3 kids and 3 pets. The only interior door is to the bathroom, and, well, sound carries, KWIM? Part of the problem is that 5 nights a week, I get home at about 11:30 pm, and the kids want to stay up to say howdy. Since we homeschool, it's not like we can't manage the schedules around that. And, darn it, I like to see my kids once in a while.
His two most important things, that detract from his well-being are:
- to feel disrespected, and
- putting up with mood swings
Now we've had our problems in our 12 years of marriage (our anniversary is this Saturday). DH deals with bi-polar disorder and I have clinical depression. I take meds. He does not. I need to help him get back on meds and to take my own religiously...sometimes I forget. One doctor suggested I have my thyroid checked out because apparently low thyroid function can trigger some depression by messing with brain chemicals. Anyone who thinks less of us because of these issues...well, that's just too bad. For me, having a 'mental illness' and treating it is no different than someone treating diabetes or cancer with meds. OK, I'll get off my soapbox now. :) Another thing I can do is to speak more about the good that he does than the things that bug me.
I have a fair amount of mood swings, especially if I've not had my anti-depressants for a couple of days or I'm PMS-ing (it's really head-for-the-hills time then). I need to put taking my meds into my morning routine and count-to-ten before I'm tempted to snap at anyone in the family.
If you stay tuned, I'll let you know how things turn out.
